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The circumstance of being adopted places an additional, special stress on the lives of most child adoptees. This is true even for the majority of adoptees who are growing up nicely. Part of children's experience involves the realization that they were given away by someone. This is a part of who they are. The adjustment process of many adopted children often involves a sense of loss, grief, feeling different and confusion over how they fit in with others.
This stress does not have to be deeply harmful. The way it is dealt with depends on how comfortable the family is with adoption and the kind of support given to the child regarding these issues.
Understanding Adoption
Being adopted means different things to different children. There are many patterns of healthy adjustment. For some children it is a major factor in their feelings of who they are, how they feel about themselves and where they fit in. Some children do not experience it as an important issue. However, there are many children who feel adoption does make a difference and it is frequently on their minds. More often than not it is a back burner concern.
Young children, adopted during infancy, have a limited understanding of adoption and view it as a positive. Many of these children between the ages of six and 12 seem to have a mixed attitude toward adoption. Their growing cognitive abilities lead to a recognition of the more confusing and complicated aspects of adoption. These may include loss, being different and questions about the birth family. Awareness of these issues may be accompanied by more frequent feelings of anger, sadness and worry.
Children differ in how they deal with adoption-related distress. Many want to talk about their feelings and ask questions. Some become defensive and avoid the issue. Others begin to exhibit troubling behavior such as academic problems, low self-esteem, intense anger or disruptive behavior.
Adolescents struggle with questions of "Who am I and where do I belong?" Their ties with family, peers and others come under intense questioning. Adopted adolescents, as part of this process, are apt to have an increased curiosity about their birth parents. This interest does not mean that they are rejecting their adoptive parents.
Children who are adopted later in life may have experienced multiple losses and trauma. They can remember previous meaningful relationships and they loss of them can be very painful. Mourning these losses, by being able to speak openly about the past, makes it easier for them to build ties and trust with adoptive parents.
Children adopted across racial or ethnic lines must deal not only with the sense of being different, as a result of being adopted, but also with physical and cultural differences.
Adopted children are at risk for learning disabilities in reading, spelling, speaking, understanding speech, and arithmetic, as well as for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). This may be due to genetics, trauma during the prenatal period or emotional problems.
What helps children adjust to adoption?
Adoptive parents should talk about the adoption early in the child's life. Learning from the parents helps the child to experience it as desirable and encourages trust.
As children grow older they will want to talk about the adoption and have the story told more fully. this expanded understanding is a key part of the adjustment process. Open, truthful discussions will encourage helpful curiosity.
Children's questions about their birth family are normal. They do not imply a rejection of the adoptive parents. It is helpful to acknowledge and accept this inquisitiveness. Information should be given sensitively and with supportive discussion.
Set expectations, rules and discipline approaches appropriate for the developmental age level of functioning. Your child is not special because he or she is adopted. This uniqueness comes from being part of your family. Do not ignore your better parenting judgment out of fear of rejection or because the birth parents may be idealized. Children feel more secure when a parent's decisions are directed by a sense of what is right, rather than out of fear or guilt.
Adoptive families are different than biological families. They are not inferior or deviant. Acknowledge the ways in which your family is different. This helps children to embrace, deal with and affirm the whole reality of their life situation. Denial of the differences promotes a sense of secrecy and shame. Also, acknowledging differences does not mean persistently dwelling on them.
Understand the reality that adoption is not an issue laid to rest once and for all. Most children will form new questions and explore more aspects of their adoption as they mature. This is especially likely at developmental transition points.
Approach your child's problems with an open mind. Do not automatically attribute them to adoption. They may be adoption-related, however, children's difficulties can have many sources unrelated to adoption.
When to Seek Professional Consultation
Often the problems experienced by adoptees can be addressed by the family, but many adoptive families do seek out professional help at some point. they do so when they or the school observe the child exhibiting emotional, learning or behavioral problems that interfere with his or her adjustment, success and self-esteem. A consultation with a psychologist can help to clarify the situation, determine if professional assistance is needed and develop a plan of action. Depending on the issues, services such as parent guidance, individual child therapy or family counseling can be very helpful. Psychological testing can pinpoint the nature of a child's learning problems; follow-up parent guidance can help work out an appropriate plan of educational intervention and support.
MPA Psychologist Referral Service:
(800) 270-9070
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Psychological testing assesses a child's current level of functioning. It provides an objective, standardized measurement of current performance compared to other children of the same age throughout the county. Taken together with other information, test results help you and others plan appropriate steps to address difficulties.
Psychological testing helps to answer those questions you haven't otherwise been able to resolve. Specific tests are selected to provide information and formulate a plan.
Psychological testing is conducted as part of a broader evaluation. Other parts of the evaluation include collecting background information from you about your child's development, medical history, family history, behavior, progress in school and social-emotional well being. Parents and teachers may also fill out questionnaires and checklists as a way to provide helpful data. Observations throughout the evaluation and an interview will also contribute valuable information.
The tests chosen for your child depend on the questions posed. Your questions may have to do with learning difficulties, behavior problems, emotional struggles, sensory-motor control or intellectual development. The common tests used are:
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IQ tests to assess current learning potential
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Academic achievement tests to assess reading, writing and math
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Visual-motor integration tests to assess fine-motor coordination
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Continuous performance tests to assess attention and impulsivity
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Projective tests to assess social-emotional functioning
Who conducts psychological testing?
Psychological testing may be conducted in Michigan only be Licensed Doctoral Level Psychologists (L.P.), or by Limited Licensed Master's Level Psychologists (L.L.P.) under the supervision of a Licensed Psychologist.
In the schools, a multidisciplinary team consisting of a certified school psychologist, a teacher consultant and your child's teacher most often conducts evaluations. Other specialists, such as speech and language therapists, physical therapists and occupational therapists join the group as needed.
Where should I go to have my child tested?
The schools will conduct a comprehensive educational evaluation if other interventions have not been successful in addressing the needs and educational problems of the child.
Privately, you may seek psychological evaluations from psychologists in the community or from a hospital team. You may wish to contact your child's pediatircian for referrals to psychologists. The school staff psychologist, social worker, counselor or principal may also be able to recommend several local private psychologists.
What outcome can be expected?
After your child has been tested, a meeting will be set up with the psychologist to discuss test results and recommendations. The information you receive should relate directly to questions you posed when arranging the evaluation and guide the interventions. You can take this opportunity to ask questions and seek the psychologist's assistance. Later, you should receive a written report of the psychologist's evaluation.
When to Seek Professional Consultation
Often the problems experienced by children or adolescents can be addressed by the family; but many do seek out professional help at some point. They do so when they or the school observe the child exhibiting emotional, learning or behavior problems that interfere with his or her adjustment, success and self-esteem. A consultation with a psychologist can help to clarify the situation, determine if professional assistance is needed, and develop a plan of action. Depending on the issues, services such as parent guidance, individual child therapy or family counseling can be very helpful. Psychological testing can pinpoint the nature of a child's learning problems; follow-up parent guidance can help develop an appropriate plan of educational intervention and support.
MPA Psychologist Referral Service:
(800) 270-9070
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